A text from a friend.

My dear friend Jasmine just sent me a text.

"I was looking at pics of us on fbook when I was skinny and you weren't. I wanna go back to that!"

She's a cunt.

Bed.

Well, I've been MIA. I turned 26 and I really didn't know how to get back to the blogging.

So, much has happened in my life since we last spoke.

1-800-Mattress just delivered me a Sealy Posturepedic and I now have wireless internet in my apartment.

Hold breath. More posts to come on the regular.

RIP?

Did Amy Winehouse die? What about Lindsay Lohan?

Just wondering.

Bye.

HOW NOW

How annoying is it that I say 'scuse or pardon me on the regular?

Tragina

Yesterday, was the Super Bowl. I went to see "The Princess and The Frog." By myself.

I cried at the trailer for the new Nicholas Sparks-Miley Cyrus collaboration.

Hating,
myself

Precious, I'm hungry!

I met Gabourey Sibide last night. Actually more like I talked AT her for a couple minutes.

I've never been star struck before but I've been obsessing over this film for MONTHS so when I was informed that she was in the restaurant that I am tragically employed at I just about lost my breath. Really.

When I was wrapping up my shift, I walked over to her table where she and her three girlfriends were talking about something having to do with Meryl Streep in "Sophie's Choice" which was a perfect segue for me and my awkwardness. It went something like this:

Me: Hey, I'm sorry to interupt you. I know this is so annoying but I just wanted to tell you that I thought you were great and I hope you beat Meryl Streep.

Drunk Precious: I hope I beat Meryl too! But you know who I'm really gunning for...(leaning into me to whisper)...Sandra.

Me: Shouldn't even be nominated!

Drunk Precious: I deserve it more!

Then I proceeded to yell a lot of things like,

"You do! You worked it out, girl. That movie? It was great. It touched me. I loved your work in it. People come in here and I've been telling them to go see it. Good luck!"

Then I ran off. Vagina.

Downward Dog

You know you're fat when you justify skipping yoga class because you don't want to be sweaty for your lunch date.

My lunch date, Trish, was unshowered and the last time we had a lunch date she was wearing a dress she wore the night before and was natch hungover.

Fat,
me